#succulent beef

[viapu-com]

Spice up your culinary skills! Succulent Secrets is ready to reveal the best beef shank recipe ever - expect flavors that will thrill your taste buds. Don't miss out! #BestBeefShankEver

[buffetlicious]

Brough mum to the now defunct Common Chefs Bistro at Jalan Legundi, Sembawang for an early dinner. Ordered myself the Duro Pork Chop (S$18+) with two juicy and succulent slices of bone-in pork chop drizzled with balsamic vinegar infused sauce and a sprinkling of thymes. Served with two sides of fries and a helping of mixed vegetables salad.

Got mum the spicy Arrabbiata Minced Beef & Mushroom Spaghetti (S$12+). The pasta looks good to me with the sprinkled grated cheese and herbs but mum don’t appreciate the spiciness of the chilli padi (bird's eye chilli).

To finish off the meal, a slice of local flavoured Ondeh Ondeh Cake (S$7.50+). Three slices of pandan flavoured sponge cake sandwiching two layers of desiccated coconut cooked with gula melaka (palm sugar) and more grated coconut sprinkled on top and around. Although a likeable dessert but I still missed the traditional ondeh ondeh snack.

[foodiemccaterson]

A beef appetizer that melts in your mouth in a combination of Indian and Arabic spices for a mouthwatering fusion of flavor - courtesy of farzi

[shayetaintjohn]

can't stop thinking about it...my seed would end up in that chicken

[thelcsdaily]

Beef Salpicao

The ideal dish saving you time in the kitchen and enabling you to spend more time with your family. This delectable Filipino dish is called beef salpicao. Recognized for its succulent beef cubes cooked in a flavorful sauce with a lot of garlic. It is easy to make and can be eaten as a main course or as an appetizer. One of the greatest comfort dishes ever. Delightful with a bowl of white rice.

To me, food is as much about the moment, the occasion, the location and the company as it is about the taste.

- Heston Blumenthal

[growingstories]

Gaming

David had always been a lazy short kid, not particularly fond of sports but his father pushed him in the college wrestling team. He never really thrived in but his short height made him look beefy very fast. When he wasn’t studying or at wrestling practice David played every videogame he could take his hands on. His father determination and the almost daily wrestling practice made him a beefy muscular student when he reached senior year. David was sporting a chiseled six-pack and impressively large chest and buff arms. His physical transformation earned him a spot among the popular crowd, although he was still the quiet, clever kid who sweated bullets whenever anyone spoke to him and never really spoke made friends. Upon graduating, David landed his dream job as a game tester at a leading video game company. His boss, Mr. Timmons, was a sweet-natured, jolly man who adored shy guys. Timmons saw immense potential in David's analytical skills and quick gameplay. David's first few weeks at the company were blissful; the office was like an adult playground with gyms, tantalizing restaurants, coffee bars, and sprawling playrooms equipped with lounge chairs. David loved routine and stuck to his 9-to-5 schedule and made it a point to hit the gym daily as he was used in college. He also loved the informal atmosphere and could walk around all day in his fitness wear.

Recognition came swiftly, and David was promoted within a few months. His new role involved discussing innovative game formats, which meant longer meetings and less time for gym sessions. David found himself confined to his chair for hours on end, immersed in gaming mazes and user experience discussions. The chefs at the office prepared rich, delicious protein-packed meals, furthering David's muscle gain. His shirts started to feel increasingly snug, but the added mass felt like an accomplishment as he started to really beef up.

A highly addictive game project came along, and David was tasked to test it extensively. He devoted himself to marathon 16-hour sessions. Mr. Timmons, noticing David's determined fatigue, checked in frequently, bringing generous portions of food and drink. The first day David willingly accepted, but as days turned into a week, he found himself relying on the constant stream of rich meals to fuel his extended play hours. The game testing finished well, but David's usual gym routine was long forgotten. He struggled to fit into his jeans, and the sedentary lifestyle started showing visible signs.

The longer hours became the norm, with more complex projects demanding more of David’s time and attention. But he managed to get in a few gym sessions during the week. Combined with endless plates of pasta, succulent steaks, and calorific desserts delivered by the company chefs his appearance got even beefier. Bigger chest, bigger arms but his abs were also completely covered by a round layer of fat. Despite the strains on his waistband and the occasional puffing after climbing a flight of stairs, David felt a strange contentment in his new role—mainly because Mr. Timmons was incessantly encouraging, often accompanying him during meals.

David began to notice the gradual evolution of his body too; his snug shirts were now actively straining against his expanding midsection, and he was always short on breath after a short walk down the hallway. Laundry day meant grappling with clothes, trying to wriggle into pants that felt two sizes too small. He moved up to larger, "comfier" attire but didn't pay much heed, assuming it was just a phase and at work he only wears stretchy gym wear.

One night, while deeply engrossed in binge eating a triple-decker burger and fries, followed by a chocolate fudge sundae prepared at the office dining, he felt something strange. He found himself increasingly craving these calorie-laden meals, indulging in a cycle of eating and gaming, with almost no movement in between. The once hard-earned muscle now ebbed away, covered under layers of fat. His reflection in his favorite gym mirrors showed a softer, rounder David staring back.

Weekends at home became a blur of pizzas, sodas, and gaming marathons. The evolution of his frame made everyday activities increasingly laborious. Simple acts like climbing the stairs to his apartment often left him sweating and gasping for air. Mr. Timmons, who enjoyed seeing David's transformation, would often join him for movie nights filled with snacks, leading to intimate discussions about game ideas while unabashedly gorging. Even at work, David's sedentary lifestyle prompted additional changes as he moved less and ate more. His desk was often cluttered with empty snack bags, soda cans, and food containers. Where once he sought respite in the gym, he now sank into comfortable lounge chairs between gameplay sessions, indulging in quick naps coated in the lethargy of a full stomach.

One particularly tiring day, David, increasingly overwhelmed by his bulk, sat down on the lobby bench. He bent over to tie his shoes, only to realize he could barely reach them. His belly, now more pronounced than his chest, got in the way, causing him to sweat profusely. Mr. Timmons walked by and noticed David’s struggle. Instead of scolding him, he helped David with his shoelaces, patting him comfortingly on the back.

Feeling a mixture of embarrassment and unexpected satisfaction, David leaned back and smiled. He's transformed far beyond his fit, high school self to an obese but weirdly content game tester. For the first time, he felt a peculiar happiness in his job environment—an acceptance not just from his boss but from himself. Timmons pitched a new a concept to David. The concept was that during work hours David would do live online game testing and Q&A with gaming fans. David loved the idea, he was able to share his knowledge without interacting with people but also keep trying out new games. The first few sessions were a success. But also a challenge as they kept on going as the fans kept interacting. Timmons saw this and ordered staff to bring snacks and drinks to his hungry talent.

The fans loved the concept and it became a bigger community. They started requesting specific games of concepts to test and review. And David loved his new challenge. Timmons made sure that David had everything he needed during the sessions. It almost became and endless eating session during the live sessions. David’s weight really started to explode now. Even the viewers saw this and started mentioning his gains. David addressed the concerns during his sessions but shrugged it off and told the viewers not to worry, he liked to feel big as he always been a short kid.

The company started to offer private sessions with David too where the could ask questions about individual problems during their own gaming sessions. This really lifted off as this boosted the revenue even more. David got big bonusses and was happy to do a few private sessions at night extra. Most sessions were just asking guidance at difficult game levels but some were personal. Questions about his favorite snacks, or if he would still workout. But also his bench press and squat records. David liked this and replied as much a he could. Some challenged him to see if he could still lift heavy weight or even do a pull up. David decided to do a live session from the gym. The amount of viewers was insane. He started of strong and he was still able to get in a few push ups and squat a nice amount of weight but benching was difficult. When trying to do a pull up he failed terribly, he couldn't even do one. He was breathing heavy and already started sweating. He whiped off his head with his shirt, showing his bloated bulging belly, forgetting that he was live. The fans went crazy and started requesting more. After weeks of live sessions and eating everything in sight he was again bigger.

He now often did gym challenges, resulting in growing more as his muscle memory made his muscle bulge out fast on his short body amd within weeks he was back at his old strength level. Not only did the viewers like the sessions but some asked to send his favorite food to have him eat it live. Or food challenges, they challenged him to eat massive portions. David didn’t really think much of it as long as Timmons was happy. And Timmons was. He loved his golden boy bringing in big bucks no matter what it takes. Even if David got bigger and bigger and bigger.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Lazard does a whole "undercover boss" thing and disguises himself as a third class SOLDIER, how's the experience?

Lazard spends two weeks as a newbie Third Class SOLDIER, and he's surprised by how many people genuinely fail to recognize him just because he wears a helmet. During this time, he discovers many things:

• He discovers that when he's not there, people flock to Sephiroth for guidance—not because Angeal isn't a natural leader, but because it took Sephiroth only ten hours of Lazard's absence to commandeer the director's office. Sephiroth claimed the better air conditioning and ergonomic chair as necessary for "optimal efficiency."

• Discovers that the break room houses an underground economy of energy drinks and instant noodles, complete with a detailed spreadsheet ranking flavors and their trade values. Lazard is relieved to discover this because, until then, he had assumed the clandestine trade-off he caught Genesis and Sephiroth conducting in the men's room was drugs.

• Witnesses Zack Fair maintaining a secret mini-garden of succulents behind the training room equipment. Apparently Aerith gifted him one (1) and it accidentally grew into more, resulting in Zack panic-gardening. *Zack sobbed when explaining this.

• Finds out Angeal has been secretly adopting every office plant that other SOLDIERs kill from neglect, nursing them back to health in his apartment. He has about 87 "rescued" plants. Lazard stepped into his apartment for a get-together and thought he was in the jungle.

• Learns that the reason Cloud Strife regularly sneaks onto the SOLDIER floor without a problem is because the entire security team finds him "endearing and adorable."

• Discovers there's an ongoing betting pool about whether Sephiroth and Angeal are having an affair. What's more shocking is that Genesis is the organizer.

• Kunsel has eyes and ears everywhere.

• Realizes SOLDIER has a secret group chat where they warn each other about disciplinary sweeps, nosy Turks, surprise inspections from Shinra execs, and "Hojo sightings" in real-time. Sephiroth responds to each Hojo sighting with "👍"

• Finds out the juniors have code words for when the Firsts are approaching: "The entity" for Sephiroth, "Beef" for Angeal, and "caw caw caw" for Genesis.

• Learns that someone (Genesis) has mapped out all the security camera blind spots and sells the information for materia.

Lazard, removing his disguise in front of Sephiroth: You won't BELIEVE what I discovered this week while I was under disguise.

Sephiroth: Oh, you found out about the kangaroo Zack got for the program as a mascot that we keep it in the storeroom and has been teaching us to box.

Lazard: The WHAT?

Sephiroth: You're hearing things.

Lazard:

[is-this-yuri]

i dont even LIKE chicken that much which is why it's so embarassing that i can cook with it better than most people whose chicken i've eaten.

it's a tale as old as time. your mom is making chicken tonight. maybe it's chicken parm. maybe it's chicken and dumplings. maybe she's getting cultured and making arroz con pollo. usually though, it's the blandest, driest chicken breast. you need a hacksaw to get through it and the dry seasoning rub sandpapers the roof of your mouth. how does she keep fucking up the chicken this bad?

so here's the thing: FDA guidelines about safe temperatures for meat are idiot-proof. if you are NOT an idiot you don't have to hypernukeblast all the flavor and texture out of your meat anymore.

watch this minutefood video for a great rundown of the numbers. i don't personally temp my meat, but i reccomend you do, and experiment like she has in the video until you're comfortable doing it by vibes.

LEARN TO COOK STIR FRY! this will teach you everything you need to know to cook chicken well, and it's two simple things:

1. chop it into little pieces

2. marinate it in liquid seasoning

the first tip is somewhat optional, as it's perfectly possible to cook a juicy full chicken breast safely, but you're always going to run the risk of overcooking it in an effort to get the center to a safe temperature. if you're looking for whole chicken breast, the oven is your friend.

the second tip is VITALLY IMPORTANT. dry powder seasonings don't penetrate into chicken meat well, and since chicken breast is usually an irregular shape (compared to say pork and beef cuts that tend to be flat), you'll end up with underseasoned bites if you rely on a seasoned crust. a liquid marinade will also hydrate the meat which i suspect contributes to even cooking, but more importantly leads to juicier meat.

i rest my meats for at least 2 minutes before cutting them, but the jury is out on whether that actually helps it retain moisture. if you've done everything else right, resting or not resting shouldn't make a big difference. if you want to visually check the meat has cooked through, absolutely cut it in half.

IF YOU END UP WITH DRY CHICKEN!! you can improve it by adding it to something wet, like a ceasar salad, or make it into chicken salad. shredding it will help with the texture too. or just feed it to your pets.

that's it! go forth and make delicious, succulent, juicy chicken!! good luck!!

[krispycreamcake]

How about a Diabolik fic where the reader is the only Sakamaki sibling who acts strange during a blood moon? I'll let you decide what strange is if you want.

From Author: Okay so I did some extra digging on what would be considered strange to a vampire during a blood moon and it's just the opposite of the regular effects. I took some creative liberties with this so I hope you enjoy! Thank you for submitting this!

TW: Graphic depictions of violence!

A Vampire's Dissension

The sun's rays painted a warm hue across the sky, dying the clouds a soft pink and orange. Birds and humans alike were scuttling about to make their way home before nightfall. For it was when the twilight hour hits, that predators emerged from the shadows. To avoid being caught in the unforgiving jaws of death, one needed to be vigilant as to not get entrapped by these crowned monarchs of the moon, these sultans of sadism. Their ambition was relentless and so was their appetite.

Tonight however, was an especially particular night. Blood Moons were special occasions in which a vampire's abilities were amplified, along with their unyielding thirst for that deliciously, savoury, scarlet syrup. It was a known fact that no bride has ever survived a night in the Sakamaki mansion. As unfortunate as it is, this family has a reputation of killing their prey. Many brides have come but never gone, as their crying souls became trapped in the mansion where they all met an untimely demise.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't have a couple bodies stacking up on your end either. To be fair, it's not like you tried to kill them, you just lacked a significant amount of restraint. And if you were being honest with yourself, you've always been that way for as long as you can remember. You noticed that with every Blood Moon, your predatorial instincts seemed to contort into pure unbridled aggression. It became an unbearable flame that scorched throughout your body, begging, crying, wailing for you to drink something more.

You stood near the manor's old balcony, watching how the setting sun drained any and all natural light dry from the sky. It wouldn't be long now before the moon started taking effect. Your veins began to pulsate and writhe under your fleshy arm, almost as if beating out your very body. You gritted your teeth as you remembered the last Blood Moon. You had requested Reiji to make specially tailored tranquilizers to subdue you, which it did.... For half an hour. After that brief period of peace, the stairwell was completely destroyed and Subaru refused to speak to you for a week. Your hostility wasn't unknown to the family, but that still didn't make it tolerable to put up with. From feeling thirsty and irritated, your emotions quickly took a turn to being aggravated and wrathful.

You stood there contemplating ways on how to isolate yourself from your brothers so you wouldn't cause harm to them. As night began to ink the sky, you decided it was better to lock yourself in your room and distract your mind. You sifted through your belongings before finding a cookbook hidden in your backpack. That's right, you were meant to prepare a meal from home and bring it to your home economics class the next day, using a list of designated recipes that your teacher highlighted. You skimmed over the book, scanning for any recipes you could make. Your eyes were immediately glued to a page on Beef Shigureni.

You'd never made it before, but Reiji was extremely talented when it came to making the stew up to his standards. You began to feel peckish as you read through the ingredients, mouth drooling at the images the book had displayed. Soon enough, that slight hunger metamorphisized into voraciousness. You could smell the succulent aroma of the prepared meat, drowning in its delicious flavours. Abruptly, a knock was made at the door which jolted you out of your thoughts. You noticed how the scent seemed to linger in the air. Were you that hungry that you were experiencing phantom sense? Your fingertips brushed against the cold doorknob as you twisted it open, only to be met with sly eyes and a smirk that could kill.

"Oh? Why the cruel expression? And here I thought you'd be elated to get a visit from your dear brother~" You rolled your eyes at Laito before replying. "What do you want? I'm kinda busy right now." Laito peeked into your room hearing this, eyes searching every corner until you had to push him back out into the hall. With your hands pressed against his chest, and arms flexing, you finally got him out of your personal space. "Hm? And here I thought you meant you were busy with a cute little plaything, how depressing." You clicked your tongue and looked him dead in the eyes. "You should leave before it starts." Laito raised an eyebrow at this.

"The moon isn't at its peak yet. Unless you really are getting that bad?" You noticed the very slight hint of concern in your brother's voice. "I felt it even when the sun was setting.... But I should be okay for now. Still, we don't know when it'll happen, so it's best you leave." Laito met your gaze with a cold hard stare. "If you try anything on me, I won't be going down that easily. Neither will the others. Stay in your room." You almost had chills hearing Laito speak so sternly to you. It was obvious he was worried for the others and for you. Despite his provocative nature, beneath was a man riddled by the fleas of abuse, and something about you going on a rampage seemed to bubble up memories once long buried. You couldn't help but notice how the succulent aroma from before seemed to be radiating off of Laito.

"Reiji mentioned something about you meeting him in his lab. If what you're saying is true, I'd hurry there before you bite his head off." And in an instant, he teleported away. You sighed and decided to find Reiji before it was too late. Your stomach growled and screamed, begging to be fed especially after your encounter with Laito. You admitted that it was srange that he smelled exactly like the recipe, but didn't let it bother you as you made your way to Reiji's lab.

You rapped on the door gently, fingers beating against the oak wood. You listened as it creaked open to reveal a dignified looking man behind it. "I see you've gotten my message. Come inside." You made your way into his lab and sat down on one of the chairs. "Deplorable...." You rolled your eyes and looked at him with an expression that could only transmit the words 'Get a grip'. He coughed lightly into his gloved hand, making an ahem sound. "I've prepared this sedative for you to try." Reiji pushed his glasses up before handing you a tiny glass vial with the most repungant, foul, revolting liquid you've ever smelled. You corked your nose shut before refusing to accept the bottle.

"Don't be a child. This is for the safety of all of us." You listened to Reiji's words and knew they were true. You knew all he was doing was trying to help. But even so, that concoction made you gag so much you thought you might throw up. You grabbed the tiny bottle and just seconds before you downed it, there was that scent again. That deliciously deceitful scent. It wrapped around your brain, clouding all your senses. As you gave into the smell, you couldn't help but notice that your senses became heightened. Your veins began to throb once again, pumping through your body. Being a vampire, your heart hadn't a reason to beat, but every Blood Moon seemed to tell a different tale. The feeling could only be described as want, the same kind of want that a predator feels when stalking its prey.

Reiji sighed at your incompetence to even simply drink something. He marched over to where you remained sat, seemingly stuck in a trance. "You understand the importance of the little time we have, don't you?" You didn't hear him. All sound was tuned out as your mind began to fog. As a matter of fact, you didn't see him either. Visions of rabbits running around in a forest at night as you watched from a hidden position formed in your mind. Reiji grabbed the bottle from your hand and had planned to force feed it to you, but as soon as his clothed fingers made contact with yours, you yanked him forwards and sank your teeth into his throat.

He let out a grunt as he tried to get you off of him, but you rammed his body into a shelf, teeth unmoving from their position. You sucked every trickle of blood that dare made its way down his neck, the crimson ooze only tantalizing you further. Your fangs sunk into his bloody flesh as he squirmed and fought, which only made you more adamant on not letting him escape. You began to press deeper and deeper into his muscle tissue before ripping your fangs out, along with a chunk of his flesh. Blood spurred everywhere, coating your face. Your hair became messier and tousled, pupils dilated far back, fangs dripping with the scarlet syrup you craved. You began to chew that piece of flesh that you ripped out, tearing it to shreds as Reiji slowly crawled out of the lab, leaving a trail of Vermilion behind.

It wasn't long after that your tastebuds were hit with sensations of the one thing you've been craving this entire time, meat. You searched the house far and wide until your gaze was met with Ayato's disturbed stare. He was horrified at the state you were in, looking up from below the stairwell. His shock was beyond what words could describe. Reiji lay behind him, Subaru using his own body to block his injured form. Shu stared at you, unsure of his own emotions. He knew you saw him as a meal, and for the first time in his life, he felt like prey. Despite their enhanced powers, none of them stood a chance against you alone, so it was imperative they stuck together. Your lips were stained with your own brother's blood as you stood there heaving, waiting, watching, like a predator about to pounce.

You ran down the stairs faster than any of them could comprehend, teeth bared like a wild dog as you sprinted towards Ayato. In the flash of a second, pain shot through both your arms as you let out a pained cry, howling like a beast as blood gushed from your palms, soaking the carpeted staircase in your fluids. Laito and Kanato had teleported just as you ran, iron stakes in hand as they plunged into your hands. They dashed up the stairs as they pinned you to the wall. At this point you were thrashing and snarling at them, not a coherent word to be let out. Anger took over and almost overrided the pain, until Shu appeared right before you, clenching your jaw and forcing your mouth open as he shoved that putrid concoction from before, down into your throat. In a matter of seconds, your eyelids began to feel heavy and as much as you fought, you fell asleep.

[bigcutiejazz]

Hola Papi,

It's a very special day today! It's not Tuesday but I'VE GOT TACOS! They were so delicious! And being a California girl, you know that I know great tacos. And these had succulent, flavorful, juicy beef with warm, gooey, melty cheese with that slightly crispy tortilla. Just thinking about it now gets me all excited. And I ate all that I could so I can keep these curves dangerous because this sexy ass figure ain't gonna maintain itself. Maybe one day, we can get tacos and I'll let you feed them to me 🌮🌮🌮

HTTPS://jazz.bigcuties.com

Free Blog

Www.bigcuties.com/blog

[viapu-com]

Dive into the world of flavors with Succulent Secrets! Discover the magic of our Beef Shank recipe! Unleash your inner chef! 🍖🔥🍽️ #Foodlove #BeefShankMagic

[buffetlicious]

McDonald’s Singapore has brought back the Samurai Burgers with a couple of new allies - Tamago Samurai Burgers. They come in beef or chicken patty with a “crispy”, succulent fried egg! I am kind of interested in the “crispy” egg adjective used in their promotional materials.

I went with the Tamago Samurai Chicken Burger Meal (S$8.95) and topped up an extra S$0.80 to change the gassy drink into a small Ice Green Tea. The burger featured a tender chicken thigh patty dipped into teriyaki sauce with a fried egg on top. All these sandwiched with crispy lettuce and creamy mayo between sesame seeds buns. The whole burger is wet with the sweet and savoury teriyaki sauce. Biting into the burger, there isn’t anything crispy inside, it is just a normal fried egg and there is nothing crispy about it. With the egg however, it seems to impart a more wholesome flavour to the sweetish chicken burger. I like it…

Since it is a better value when you purchase the Extra Value Meal, I bought mum the Filet-O-Fish Meal (S$5.50) which comes with a medium French Fries and a drink which I promptly changed to a small Ice Lemon Tea for S$0.80 more.

Selected images and video courtesy of McDonald’s Singapore.

[brewed-pangolin]

Captain Master Chef

OG Captain MacTavish x Fem Reader

18+ MDNI Sexual Themes

Captain Soap MacTavish is, contrary to popular belief, an absolutely amazing cook.

His mastery at the savory side of the culinary world is unlike anything you've ever experienced. For example, his take on Beef Wellington is bar none better than your mothers (you'll never tell her) and you'd be lying if you didn't fall head over heels in love with him the moment you took the first bite of his Haggis.

Even as he expands his cooking repertoire into more unfamiliar horizons, you're never left unsatisfied or turning up your nose to anything he manages to put on a plate.

--

"Oh my God, honey. This is delicious."

You praise with a quiet moan. Taste buds blissfully overwhelmed with the succulent flavor of rice, muscles, and saffron as the remaining accents of his newly mastered Paella dance their melody along the length of your tongue.

"Hm. Thank you, love. Quite proud of me self if I'm bein' honest."

You take another bite, eyes rolling back as the taste of the perfectly crusted and savory socarrat hits your tongue like an aromatic tsunami.

Your eyes linger on him, casting him a doey eyed stare that the Captain returns with his own distinctively confident gaze. Silence falling over you both as you take your time enjoying each other's company and savoring the masterful delicacy he so elegantly created.

Reluctantly, your eyes begin to shift. Turning towards the kitchen as you take in the absolute disaster that sits atop your granite counter tops and stove.

A quiet sigh escapes your lips, returning your gaze back to your Captain lover as he wipes his mouth with a flavor filled napkin.

"John, I love you. But goddamn, do you need to learn how to clean while you cook."

"What? It's not that bad, love."

"Not that bad? My kitchen's a disaster, John!"

Soap takes a long glance at the kitchen, surveying the damage before shifting his eyes up to the ceiling.

"Least there's no'a lobster on th'ceiling."

"Nothing will ever beat the lobster, John. That was truly a legendary experience."

"Yer mother didnae think so."

"Yeah. Because you threw the lobster at her!"

"The fuckin' thing pinched me!"

You exhaled an amused sigh, shaking your head with a smile that only he could pull to your lips.

"Thank God she had the pan in her hand, or I feel you'd have been excommunicated from any further family gatherings."

"Aye. Yer mother's got quite the swing, love. Better for me to stay on her good side, yeah?"

"I'd highly recommend so, John."

You gently scrape the last morsel into your mouth with an enamored and muffle moan. Wiping the corners of your lips as you take in one last look at the monstrosity that waits before you.

"Alright, honey. This mess isn't going to clean itself."

"No, it ain't, love. But I was cravin' a bit'a dessert before tacklin' that."

Your eyes narrow, brows knitting together while you shift your gaze over the counter tops for a sign of this hidden last course.

"What dessert? I don't see anything."

"M'lookin at it, sweetheart."

You pause. Rolling your eyes under heavy lids, you're met with the icy blue confidence within his stare that never seems to not have an amorous effect on you. Shifting in your seat to quell the ache already beginning to throb deep within your core.

"John MacTavish. You sneaky little bastard."

"Aye. I am. Now bring that sweet ass over here, lass. Yer Captain wants ta taste ya."

Your body then moved on its own accord. Easily snared into his hungry gaze and rolling timbre like a moth to a flame. The languid come hither of his fingers making your legs weak and breath quicken as you slowly sauntered over to your illustrious Captain.

The kitchen remained untouched the remainder of the night. Left in a culinary mess and disarray as Soap MacTavish feasted on your sweet nectar and filled the need to have your silken walls wrapped around his stiffened cock.

The dishes could wait. Your Captain would not. And you'd be daft if you ever denied Soap MacTavish what he wanted when you treated him so graciously to a feast that only you could provide.

Captain MacTavish Masterlist

@deadbranch @sofasoap @d3athtr4psworld @glitterypirateduck @homicidal-slvt @astraluminaaa @shotmrmiller @obligatoryghoststare @mykneeshurt @jynxmirage @writeforfandoms @simpingoverquestionablemen @thetrashpossum @haurasha @luismickydees @kkaaaagt

[bulkyphrase]

Fluffy Steve Fest Rec List Day 4 - Birthday Comedy

It's @fluffystevefest day 4 - Happy birthday Steve! The theme for Thursday is Birthday, but, like yesterday, you're getting something completely different—comedy!

Please enjoy this not at all birthday-themed list of some of my favorite funny fluffy fics.

Son or Dog? by SucculentHyena (@succulent-hyena) (Stucky, General Audiences, 2,518 words)

Summary: Nobody can stop talking about Steve Rogers, the newest employee in the office. He’s nice, he’s handsome, and he adores Charlie. There’s only one thing they can’t figure out: is Charlie his son? Or his dog? Bucky’s going to try his best to find out.

How to Train Your Superheroes by StuckySituation (Gen, Teen And Up Audiences, 3,150 words)

Summary: “But of course, no matter how much we practice on schedule, we will need to learn constant vigilance and manage to get our reaction times down to the minimum,” Steve continues and takes the last burger beef from the grill and puts it onto the table next to him. Natasha has a brief millisecond to frown and think “Constant vigilance?”, before Steve kicks the grill so hard that the coals rain on top of the flammable carpet feets away. “What the hell-!?” “STEVE!?” Steve is already sprinting towards the ledge. “First training session started! Wanda, Sam, Tony - someone CATCH ME!” Then he jumps off the Tower.

Check One by JenTheSweetie (@jenthesweetie) (Stony, Teen And Up Audiences, 4,263 words)

Summary: The important thing to know - and I mean really, the actually important thing - is that no matter what Bucky said, Steve was not flirting with Tony Stark. (“Yes you were, you son of a - ”) Steve has an annoying best friend. Tony has an elaborate plan. Sam has allergies. Bucky has no idea what's about to hit him.

Blind Date by @aggressivewhenstartled, quietnight (@quietnighty) (Teen And Up Audiences, 8,294 words, No Archive Warnings Apply)

Summary: “I just had the best idea I have ever had in my life,” Bucky said, punching straight through a doombot with his metal hand and clutching the napkin with Steve’s phone number in the other. The formerly (somewhat) dark and peaceful corner of Central Park was now lit up with energy beams, flashing robotic lights, and panicked astronomy buffs running for cover. Oh well, it wasn't like they'd been going to see many stars what with all the Christmas shit everywhere. “The bar you are setting for that is not high,” Natasha told him over the coms. Also available as a podfic read by quietnight (@quietnighty)

Situation: Normal by redcigar (Mature, 3,155 words, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Summary: AU wherein Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers never met, Steve somehow manages to rescue the Winter Soldier anyway, and Avengers Tower ends up with the world’s angriest duckling and a whole new brand of entertainment. - (“He was dragging him out of the river,” Natasha argues later. “Nat, be honest, he was going for the Full Monty.” Says Clint. “I’m pretty sure we interrupted him in the middle of giving ‘emergency CPR’,” Tony agrees, “Or the stage after emergency CPR. Emergency Dick? Is that a thing?” “That’s not a thing,” Natasha and Clint reply.) Also available as a podfic read by quietnight (@quietnighty)

How Steve Rogers Singlehandedly Lost the Cold War by redcigar (Mature, 3,880 words, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings)

Summary: AU wherein Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes never met, but the Winter Soldier takes an interest in Captain America anyway, and has an odd way of showing it. -- (On the helicarrier, hurrying to reach the central hub of the third aircraft in time, the chip clenched in his gloved fist, Steve turns to find a ghost blocking his path, and is abruptly reminded on what the road to hell is paved with.) Also available as a podfic read by quietnight (@quietnighty)

The God of Solid Life Advice by kehinki (Stony, Teen And Up Audiences, 1,583 words)

Summary: It's 2012. Steve is just informed by Loki that Bucky's alive. Loki also tells him some other things.

Bait and Switch by @galwednesday (Teen And Up Audiences, 2,650 words, No Archive Warnings Apply)

Summary: "Post-action tacos?” Tony suggested. “I’m thinking that place by Fordham. BattleBot, you in?” “Can’t,” the Soldier said, typing something into his phone. “I have a date.” Tony stopped talking for an entire three seconds. “You. Have a date.” The Soldier looked up and blinked, clearly nonplussed to find Sam and Tony both staring at him. “Yes.” “With who?” “My boyfriend.” “You have a boyfriend. You have a boyfriend?” Tony looked like he’d just walked into a lamppost, and then the lamppost had handed him a birthday present. Also available as a podfic read by Nendian

[bazooka-overkill]

MR SANDMAN BRAINROT EUEUUUGGHHH

okay yay brainrot won the poll. also i might psot dragon chan headcanons requested by wallet becuz yaaaaaayyy

uhhh also i dont really gaf about timelines. so if something doesnt line up time wise. ignore it. shh

ermmm cw for child fighting!! mr sandman didnt have the best middle school experience

BAZOOKA'S THOUGHTS:

i need this man so badly PLS MR. SANDMAN ONE CHAAAAANCEEEE

who typed that omg…

GENERAL SANDMAN INFO (canon + headcanon)

full name: isaiah joseph banks

birthday: april 12th

age: 31

height: 6’5” (197 cm)

weight: 284 lbs (129 kg)

origin: philadelphia, PA, USA

gender: cis male

sexuality: bisexual (might be in denial lmao. men say theyre fighting demons and the demons r bisexuality LMFAO)

family:

victoria banks, mother, alive

george banks, father, alive

no siblings

HEAD CANON TIME:

- insomniac. goes between sleeping for 11 hrs during the day and not sleeping at ALL, also explains the eyebags in his TD

- incredibly horrible sleep schedule. stems from his childhood

- also stems from his childhood but not exactly the best at socializing w other people

- somehow is friends w glass joe. don't ask me how it works they just ARE (and they may be a little. fruity.)

- has one of those light up squishy things that u hit to change the color. yeah he either fucking SLAMS that thing or gently pats it when he wants to change it. it’s a bunny for anyone curious

- goes thru the 5 min nap to the 5 hour nap pipeline. “oh im just gonna take a small nap,” then wakes up w the blankets all over the fucking room, the god damn windows r open, he’s somehow upside down, etc etc

- him and the ref have beef after his TD victory animation

- was one of those kids that would be on his knees near some mulch playing w the roly polies on the playground. he'd have like 20 in his palms in 5 minutes

- if u catch him right when he wakes up (like. RIGHT right when he wakes up) he accidentally calls people “baby.” it’s a habit he picked up from his mom and he’s pushed it back into his mind, but it slips when he isn’t exactly thinking (totally not projecting my own habits onto him guys)

- adding to the above that the person who originally found this out was glass joe. take that as you will

- he sends some of his boxing money to his parents to support them (he’s a mamas boy LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE)

- doesn’t exactly search for a relationship, believes that when he decides he’s ready for one the right person will find him

- gets dragged into world circuit outings by either super macho man or aran ryan. on the rare occasion it’ll be soda. one time they all went bowling and sandman watched aran ryan throw a bowling ball like a fucking baseball and it broke the ceiling

- knows how to make a MEAN philly cheese steak. will be mentally freak out (positively) if someone mentions they’ve never had one before. if he wasn’t so stoic he would be jumping up and down and going “YAAAAAYYYYY🎉🎉🎉” becuz he finally gets an excuse to make one for someone

- has 100% almost broken the world circuit ring's ropes (see his intermission animation in contender)

- his locker in the locker rooms is either completely spotless or dented to hell and back. bonus points if theres like. a fake succulent in there or some shit

- luvs animals. takes pics of cool animals he sees anywhere

origin backstory thing under cur bc its long

origin:

isaiah joseph banks, known as his boxing alias mr. sandman, was born on april 12th to victoria banks and george banks in the Doylestown Hospital. born to loving parents, isaiah grew up as an only child.

isaiah learned to keep to himself and care for himself very early on, as both of his parents were usually at work. they worked hard to provide for isaiah and themselves, but always put their son first. they

the time they spent at work would be made up at home, albeit this time could never be fully made up for a young isaiah. he had spent more time with babysitters and nannies than his own parents. of course, isaiah knew his parents loved him, but all the bonds that were supposed to be formed hadn’t; the time frame had passed.

the time they did spend together was… memorable, really. not in a bad way, but every moment— every waking minute— made isaiah into the man he is today.

every night, when his mother was home early enough, she would sing him a soft lullaby. when she wasn’t, his mother had recorded this lullaby onto a tape for him to listen to. this lullaby was the song that made mr. sandman: Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes. it wasn’t a typical children’s lullaby by any means, but by god he loves that song— present tense intended.

then, a problem arose: school. starting middle school is one thing, but isaiah found out how cruel children could be.

isaiah was big, to put it lightly. five foot six at age 12 was enough ground for bullying, and being dropped off by a few different babysitters/nannies in the morning only added to the ammunition.

with how big he was, the bullying never went farther than verbal harassment. soft giggling every time he talked in class, glances from across the classroom, the bullying was subtle except for the occasional direct blow to isaiah.

his boxing interest began when he was thirteen, where his parents enrolled him in a self defense class that revolved around boxing and the sort. they had found out about the bullying from the babysitters, as isaiah had been reporting what they had been saying to him. there, young isaiah learned the basics of boxing: dodging, punching, and jabs had been added to his arsenal.

isaiah had always relished in the safety of knowing that he’d never get attacked at school, but unfortunately this was false.

it was brutal really; the poor boy had been caught in the bathroom and was attacked from behind, slammed his face into the sink, and assaulted from there. it took around two minutes for teachers to hear the commotion, but they were two minutes too late.

there, isaiah was brought to the hospital. no one truly knows the full extent of his injuries, minus his parents. if you look closely at mr. sandman, his top teeth are a little crooked.

nothing exactly eventful happened other than he moved schools, and everything was smooth from there.

his boxing career began to take off when he was 17, when he met an old babysitter of his— one who had taken care of him up until he was 13. he had become a boxing coach and offered to take isaiah up as a student.

if you ever ask mr. sandman in an interview about his boxing idol, he’d most likely say his coach. that man taught him nearly everything he knows, and even taught him the dreamland express move that mr. sandman is most known for, albeit modified.

mr. sandman picked up his alias when his coach told him about the WVBA and their boxers. it was almost inevitable he’d choose mr. sandman in honor of his mother.

he had his first fight at age 18, where it went swimmingly well. records of this fight have been lost to time, but, according to word of mouth, mr. sandman nearly killed the poor man.

i gotta be honest w u all idk how to continue this. umm mr sandman meets a wvba recruiter and then uh yah.😁😁😁

[traineecryptid]

NPSS Weibo Q&A (20240831) Part 10

This is a Q&A session held on Weibo. People will tag their questions with the hashtag #南派三叔藏海花在线答疑# (#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A#) and NPSS will look through the tag to pick some to answer. The event started at 1500 hours on 2024 August 31st.

Folder with screenshots and big compilation google doc is here. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. Part 4 is here. Part 5 is here. Part 6 is here. Part 7 is here. Part 8 is here. Part 9 is here.

(special thanks to @silver-grasp for helping proofread today's post!)

1326 Q: I feel like compared to Wu Xie, you want to act as Zhang Qiling more. [screenshot of Xiaoge curled up on his side in a dark blue Tibetan robe paired with a picture of NPSS curled up on his side while wearing what looks like a light brown overall.]

A: You’ve actually found me out. Look, even my Tibetan robe is a living being. (T/N: I think NPSS is saying that his fat is his “robe”?) 1333

#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A# Let’s play a game. Right now, I’ll go and have lunch and we’ll start playing when I’m back. Let’s pretend that I have a System (the kind in those System novels). The function of this system is that while I answer the questions, it will suddenly reply some questions in a very Chūnibyō way. Those who have their questions answered in this Chūnibyō way can assign me a mission of writing a snippet. Once I’ve completed the snippets (they must be something I can write, if they are out of bounds, I’ll ignore them), I will receive photos of what the mission-givers are doing at the moment as my System reward. When the person who finds the pattern in my Chūnibyō responses tells me what the pattern is, they can decide that night’s update contents. (But the update can’t be out of bounds. It must be a proper scene from the series. Don’t do anything silly.) 1352

Q: Shu, when will you personally reenact Wu Xie’s Pulling Radish Dance?

A: I need someone to act as Wu Xie though.

1357

Q: Aside from taking sleeping pills, does Xiaohua have other ways of going to sleep?

A: The training from climbing one-handed and hanging down can [allow a person to] temporarily go to sleep for a few minutes. He hangs by the edge of hell yet his heart faces the light. Pink is the color of his blood and he is a ferocious wolf standing in the loneliness of the heaven’s forever night!!! The sound of his breath can reach hell, making demons and ghouls shiver!!! (T/N: this is a Chūnibyō answer.) 1358

Q: I want to know if DMBJ had a collab with Sanrio, which little Sanrio animal would each of the Five Succulent Beef be?

A: What [Sanrio characters] are there? Tell me. 1359

Q: Sanshu~~~ Please pick me!!! Are the seventeen scars on Wu Xie’s forearm on the inner side or the outer side? A: Inner.

1359 Q: Shu, what exactly does the Chūnibyō answer you mentioned mean? 

A: I’ve demonstrated it. Please look at my page.

1400 Q: Sanshu, you said that you want to lose weight to act but the result doesn’t seem that obvious. Do you still want to act or not?

A: How is it not obvious? I’ve lost one chin.

1401

Q: May I know if there’s a System that will lose more money the more you earn? For example, it looks like you’ve earned 2000 but because of the System, you’ve actually only earned 20. Under this sort of setting, who is the most likely to become the richest man? (The seed money will be provided by the System.) A: Don’t all earthlings come with this System at birth?

1402

Q: Boss Xu, may I know if Hei Xiazi, as a personal assistant, hasn’t signed in for 4 months, would Boss Xie fill it in for him from the office automation system? Does Xiazi file his bills for reimbursement by himself? Does he need to write work reports? What would Boss Xie tell him when they are talking about work performances? A: Xiazi files for reimbursement himself. When he gets impatient, he will paste the bills on his face or trick the accountant. He would even arrange the bills into the “resentment” character.

1403

Q: Sanshu, when do you usually sleep? I feel like you’re answering questions no matter the time. Sometimes you’re even answering questions in the middle of the night. A: Basically, I don’t sleep.

1404

Q: Speaking of food, even till today, I still remember the “compressed biscuits goo” that were mentioned in the original series. So, has Sanshu eaten them before? Do they taste good?

A: The German ones are not bad. The Eastern European ones taste like medicine. 1407

#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A# When ordering snippets, please use the tag #Zang Hai Hua System Snippet Orders# It’ll make it easier for me to find them.

1407

Q: Shu, if I could see you write a fight between Xie Yuchen and Hei Xiazi, I’ll die without regrets. No location or situation limits, can you let them have a fight?

A: Badminton court, everyone stopped what they were doing to watch them hit the shuttlecock so hard that it sounded like thunder. 

1411

Q: Shu, I want to know what kind of fate allowed Chen Minghao laoshi to keep playing Pangye. Chen Minghao laoshi is the Uncle Pang in my heart. 

A: He’s schoolmates with Qin Hao laoshi. Their duo name is [T/N: i think this is a pun of their name but i can't make neither the head nor tails of it]. They had another schoolmate called Dang Hao, the three of them together is [T/N: another untranslatable pun that has stumped me. I’m sorry.]

we'll be back on single updates now i feel! solely because Chunibyo answers are ruining my ability to think hahahahaha but hey! 150 posts in!